shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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