Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
