OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
