if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
