Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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