I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
