I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
