I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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