how can u be prego again
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
