Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
