I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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