so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
