We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
