I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
