Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
