So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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