I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Terrible idea I love it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
