Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
