I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
