He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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