More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
