Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
