The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
