I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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