you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
