i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this hospital has no fireball
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
