yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
