so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
