dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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