Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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