I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
