she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize