My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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