I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
