I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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