Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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