My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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