I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Randomize
