My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
