When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
