This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
