It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
