His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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