He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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