So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize