I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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