speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
