she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize