i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
