Im at strip club and am horny
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
