she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
