you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
