his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
3pm strippers are depressing
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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