There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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