i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize