I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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