Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
