u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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