Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
