Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
