My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
