when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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