Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
