I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
