We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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