She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So squirting runs in the family.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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