I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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