I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
