Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
