wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
