he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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