oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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