We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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