Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
