dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Your cock deserves a montage
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
