proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
