well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
