I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
