I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
