I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How's work?
Spinning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
