Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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