They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
