Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
