If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
