You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
