the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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