I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i think i just lost a toe
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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