My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
