I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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