the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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