He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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