You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
