you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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