found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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