Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
