Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
