Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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