You just made me feel so damn special
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
