I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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