it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
