Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
