I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize