my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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