You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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